I don’t even go near the card section of the grocery store or drug store from Mother’s Day to June 20th. And forget the mall and department stores. They have those 20 foot-high Dads smiling from everywhere and that overly-made-up cosmetic representative squirts “OdeDuFather” on you when you try to get on the escalator to buy underwear. I wouldn’t go near a mall until the Sunday AFTER Father’s Day just to make sure my son wouldn’t get ambushed by grief, again.
I want to share this “grief container” idea with you. It got me through an early Father’s Day and helped me process some grief at the same time:
I made my husband a Father’s Day card, just like our son did in 1st grade. (I upgraded from crayons to oil pastels but you get my drift…) Then I wrote Perrin a letter on the inside. I told him all the things our son had accomplished since he died and included the stuff I knew he’d be extra proud of. Then I signed it: I love you and miss you. I read it out loud and then burned it. (This is an ancient practice and very effective!)
Of course I cried all the way through. (Crying is a good thing when it’s a conscious release.) I gave myself permission to grill and eat bratwurst hotdogs that day with our son, because they both loved those so much. I gave him space to grieve, too. I asked him what he thought his Dad would be proud of… And then we toasted his Dad with root-beer floats.
Life is never really a perfect picture. So, give your life permission to be what it is. It’s so much easier that way.
The Widow’s Recovery System is here to help you move forward. Let’s talk soon.
PS Don’t keep all the good stuff to yourself! Share this with another widow.