Remember how you used to discuss everything together? Whether you agreed with each other or not is not the point here. The point is that you are used to having that “second opinion” and that “other viewpoint” weigh in on nearly every aspect of your life! (Okay, so they weren’t invited to the tampon selection party back in the day, but you get the gist.)
Thinking alone is hard. It just is so I won’t sugar-coat it. And, I think you are TOTALLY capable of making great decisions, so I don’t think you should be afraid to make decisions on your own. You’re a smart gal, always have been.
What I’m trying to say is that in order to move forward in your life you have to begin to think outside your internal box. The box that says, “We always did it this way” should probably go out with the trash. Because the thing is, a lot of the mutual decisions you made were made that way to please someone else. And, that someone else isn’t here now. There’s also the fact that your circumstances have changed, literally.
You may not need that man cave or second slot in the garage. Maybe you don’t need to invest in the country club if the one who loved to golf twice a week isn’t here to golf anymore. (But hey, if you’re the golfer, keep it up!)
I know you can and will make great decisions as long as you don’t spend too much time in circular thinking. That’s where you think in circles about something and always end up in the same place: nowhere new.
It’s easy to give into this type of thinking. That little “devil’s advocate” that lives inside you starts blathering away with their fiendish little “but what about this” and “but what if that happens” monologue. One minute the little devil is on the side of buying that new SUV and 20 seconds later (or less) they’re on the side of keeping the 2010 Camry. That’s where the second voice always came in handy, right?
So what to do now…
Well, you can use a piece of paper and your own wits to sort things out. Take a pencil (I like one with a fresh eraser) and paper. Draw a horizontal line across the top and a vertical line down the middle. Now at the top of the paper put the decision “New Car.” The put “pros” on one side of the vertical line and “cons” on the other. You know what comes now. You begin to write down the real points of the issue. When you finish, one line is going to be longer than the other. Add up both sides just to be sure. Declare a winner and make the decision.
You can use this technique for almost any decision you have. It’s so much easier than asking the relative who’s still driving the 1998 Accord or the friend who trades their car in every year. Plus, making your own decisions is very empowering! It’s just another way to build a strong relationship with yourself AND it will help you take good care of yourself which is really important, since you’re the only one doing that now!
Here’s to thinking outside the box! I know you can do it! You’ve got this! And if you need a little help, let’s talk about how the Widows Recovery System can benefit you!